The Psychology of Love: Theories and Facts (2024)

Love has fascinated researchers for decades. We look at what experts have learned about the origins and psychology of love.

Love is a powerful, complex emotional experience that involves changes in your body chemistry, including your neurotransmitters (brain chemicals). It impacts your social relationships in varied ways, affecting how you relate to others around you.

There are many types — like the love you share with your partner, family, and friends — and each version you feel is unique. It can fill you with emotions ranging from joy to heartbreak.

Love is an emotion of strong affection, tenderness, or devotion toward a subject or object. When you love a person you experience pleasurable sensations in their presence and are sensitive about their reactions to you.

Research from 2016 points to neuropeptides and neurotransmitters as the source of love. Feelings of love help us form social bonds with others. As social creatures, these natural chemicals developed to help us survive by encouraging:

  • mutual support
  • reproduction
  • cooperation

It seems like so much more, though. Calling love an interaction of brain chemicals doesn’t quite describe how it can warm your heart and captivate your soul.

Attachment is a component of love. Strong attachment bonds set mammals apart from many other types of animals, though other groups — including fish and birds — also form strong social connections to help them survive.

A 2017 review describes four types of mammalian attachment bonds as:

  • pair bonds, where individuals form a close, long-term social connection
  • bonds between parents and their infants
  • bonds between peers
  • conspecific bonds, or bonds between individuals of the same species

Most instances of human love fall into one of these categories. For example, the love you feel for a close friend could be classed as a peer bond.

A romantic relationship is a type of pair bond. It can start as mutual attraction and evolve into love over time.

When you like someone, you enjoy their companionship and care about their well-being. When you love them, those feelings are unconditional.

Physical effects of love

Love can do more than help you bond with another person. It can even impact your physical health.

Love may affect your immune system. A 2019 study found that falling in love resulted in immune system changes similar to protective viral infection responses.

It might also safeguard against cancer, according to a 2021 study that found tissue from pair-bonded mice was less likely to grow tumors than tissue from mice with disruptions to their pair bonds.

Can you control whether you fall in love?

You might feel like you have no control over the love you feel, but research says otherwise. Love is like an emotion that you can regulate by generating new feelings or changing the intensity of the feelings you have.

Emotional regulation strategies include:

  • Situation selection: avoiding or seeking situations based on how they make you feel.
  • Distraction: engaging in another activity to reduce the strength of your feelings.
  • Expression suppression: hiding how you feel.
  • Cognitive reappraisal: changing your thoughts so that your feelings can change.

So, if you’re disappointed because the love you feel isn’t reciprocated, you may be able to take your mind off it.

American psychologist Dr. Robert Sternberg theorizes that love is based on three domains:

  • intimacy (emotional)
  • commitment (cognitive)
  • passion (physical)

Each domain represents a triangle corner in Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. The theory accounts for seven different kinds of love, based on which domains are involved. We look at these types of love below.

The seven kinds of love in Sternberg’s triangular theory cover a range of relationship types:

  • Liking. You share emotional intimacy, but there’s no physical passion or commitment. Friendship falls under this category.
  • Infatuation. Passion is the key component of infatuation. If you’re physically attracted to another person but haven’t developed emotional intimacy or established a commitment, this is infatuation.
  • Empty. What Sternberg calls “empty love” is a committed relationship that lacks passion or intimacy. Examples include an arranged marriage or a previously emotional or physical relationship that’s lost its spark.
  • Romatic. When you’re romantically involved with another person, you share physical passion and emotional intimacy, but you haven’t made any long-term plans or commitments.
  • Companionate. You are committed and emotionally connected, such as best friends or family. Marriages can also be companionate if the passion is gone, but you still share the commitment and emotional bond.
  • Fatuous. If you’ve been swept up by passion into an engagement or marriage without emotional intimacy, this is fatuous love.
  • Consummate. Consummate love is the goal for many when they envision marriage or a spousal partnership. This kind of love includes commitment, passion, and emotional intimacy.

Love comes in many forms. You can love more than one person simultaneously, in different ways.

Emotional intimacy is present in many relationships, but not all. The same is true for passion and commitment.

Attachment is another relationship element that may be present in love. Positive attachments are emotionally supportive and provide you with a feeling of security.

The Psychology of Love: Theories and Facts (2024)

FAQs

What are the psychological theories of love? ›

The triangular theory of love

Robert Sternberg theorizes that love is based on three domains: intimacy (emotional) commitment (cognitive) passion (physical)

What are the 4 love theory? ›

The four types of love described in philosophy include agape, phileo, storge, and eros. Agape is a type of unconditional love that is less common in society but more apparent between individuals and their god. Phileo is a love used to describe friendship between individuals.

What are some of the key takeaways you gain from learning about the triangular theory of love? ›

Components: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment

Consummate love is made up of all three components and is the total form of love. It represents an ideal relationship. Couples who experience this kind of love have great sex several years into their relationship. They cannot imagine themselves with anyone else.

What are some psychological facts about love? ›

Here are a few other facts about love:
  • Love can require compromises and understanding, especially when navigating stressful situations.
  • Love may require compassion. Consideration and empathy for your partner can be essential foundations for a compassionate, honest relationships.
  • Love is often universal.
Apr 23, 2024

Do soulmates exist in psychology? ›

Takeaway. The notion of soulmates does not have scientific support, but the belief in soulmate vs. work-it-out relationship strategies may influence your love life and sense of fulfillment. Neither model of relationships is inherently better, with evidence suggesting both can lead to fulfilling love lives.

Is being in love a choice? ›

While you may not have much control over who you fall in love with, you may have some choice about staying in love with that person. Love can be a feeling and a choice at the same time. Love often leads to physiological changes in the brain, but you can still decide whether love ends or lasts.

What is the 3 soulmate theory? ›

The theory goes that in our lifetime it's believed that we fall in love three times. You could have had five boyfriends or five marriages, but at the end of the day you may only truly love 3 of those people, and each of those loves happens at a certain phase in your life.

How many times can a man fall in love? ›

Love, being a precious and elusive emotion, is not experienced by everyone in the same way. While some individuals can love only once, others find themselves falling in love multiple times throughout their lives.

What are the 3 love rules? ›

The three loves that she came up with are the following: Lust, Passion, and Commitment. These three loves occur in different parts of the brain and occur independently from each other. For instance, you can be “in lust” with someone but have no perceived commitment to them (e.g., one night stands).

What is the triangle rule in love? ›

The triangular theory of love was developed in 1986 by Robert Sternberg, a psychologist. The triangular theory of love by Sternberg outlines that love is understood by applying three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

What are the 7 levels of love? ›

Elizabeth Rider
  • 7 Types of Love (And What They Mean) Hi! ...
  • Eros – Romantic, Passionate Love (Of the Body) ...
  • Philia – Affectionate, Friendly Love. ...
  • Storge – Unconditional, Familial Love. ...
  • Agape – Selfless, Universal Love. ...
  • Ludus – Playful, Flirtatious Love. ...
  • Pragma – Committed, Long-Lasting Love. ...
  • Philautia – Self Love.

What is love without a physical relationship called? ›

A platonic relationship is one in which two people share a close bond but do not have a sexual relationship. They may even feel love for each other, referred to as platonic love. This concept originates in the ideas of the ancient philosopher Plato, from whose name the term is derived.

Who falls in love faster? ›

Current scientific details support the idea that, in many cases, men may fall in love more quickly than women tend to do. A survey of more than 170 college students suggested that male respondents reported both feeling love and saying “I love you” at earlier stages in their relationships than females.

What is a shocking fact about love? ›

10 Surprising Scientific Love Facts
  • When two lovers gaze into each others eyes their heart rates synchronize.
  • A study conducted by researchers at the University of Syracuse found that falling in love has similar effects on the body as taking cocaine.
  • Looking at a picture of your loved one can relieve pain.
Feb 14, 2017

What makes people fall in love psychologically? ›

Romantic love occurs due to a combination of general attraction and social factors. When another person is attracted to you or likes you, that can increase your own liking, leading to romantic love. A potential union that satisfies general social norms can contribute to people falling in love.

What are the three love theory psychology? ›

The theory goes that in our lifetime it's believed that we fall in love three times. You could have had five boyfriends or five marriages, but at the end of the day you may only truly love 3 of those people, and each of those loves happens at a certain phase in your life.

What is the 5 love theory? ›

The five love languages describe five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. These are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. Knowing your partner's love language and letting them know yours is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated.

What are the theories of relationships in psychology? ›

There are many theories about why we form romantic relationships, namely: the social exchange theory (Thibaut and Kelley), equity theory (Walster et al.), Rusbult's investment model and Duck's phase model of relationship breakdown.

What are the theories of true love? ›

The Triangular Theory of Love, proposed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, suggests that love consists of three components: Intimacy (emotional closeness and connectedness), Passion (romantic and physical attraction), and Commitment (decision to maintain the love in the long term).

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